Archives for the day of: August 29, 2010

To make it straight, she pulls it.

To make it stand, she rubs it.
To make it stiff, she licks it.
To put it in, she pushes it.

It’s hell of a job threading a needle!!!

Fit Middle Aged Woman

Five mornings a week, my husband goes to the health club, gets on the stair-stepper, sets the timer, and buries his nose in a book. Recently, he noticed an amazingly fit middle-aged woman who seemed to run circles around everyone, took few breaks, and rarely even broke a sweat.

“It’s not fair,” he complained. “By the time I’m dragging myself off to the showers, she’s hopping back onto the stepper for another session.”

One day he came home with a sheepish grin. “Well,” he said, “they’re identical twins.”

4 miracles of a woman

   Getting wet without taking a shower
   Bleeding without getting hurt
   Giving milk without eating grass
   Making boneless meat hard.

 How come you have given me only a name but no password?”

1. Wear your glasses.
TO make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes,
In case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting.
(Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner’s name on your hand in case you can’t remember.

6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don’t end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act..

8. Make all the noise you want…
The neighbors are deaf too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don’t even think about trying it twice. .. . . . . . . . . . . .

‘Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile’