Archives for the day of: May 3, 2011

“Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?”
– Homer Simpson

“Asking ‘who ought to be the boss’ is like asking ‘who ought to be the tenor in the quartet?’ Obviously, the man who can sing tenor.”
– Henry Ford

“Don’t blame the boss. He has enough problems.”
– Donald Rumsfeld

“I’ve been promoted to middle management. I never thought I’d sink so low.”
– Tim Gould

“The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate you away from those who are still undecided.”
– Casey Stengal

“The only time some people work like a horse is when the boss rides them.”
– Gabriel Heatter

“There is an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job.”
– Peter Drucker

“To make a long story short, there’s nothing like having a boss walk in.”
– Doris Lilly

“Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.”
– Kin Hubbard

Insistent lady cashier
An old man walked into a shop and got some dog food and went to pay for it at the cashier counter. The lady at the cashier told him that he couldn’t buy the dog food because she needed evidence that he had a dog. The old man protested and told the cashier that her request was ridiculously absurd, but the cashier insisted that he showed her his dog. So the old man brought in his dog and showed it to the cashier and he got to buy the dog food. The next day the same old man went to get some cat food and the cashier told him that he couldn’t buy the cat food until she got evidence that he had a cat. The old man again protested and told the cashier that her request was absurd, but the cashier insisted that he first prove to her that he has a cat. So the old man went home and brought along his cat and he got to buy the cat food. Next day the same old man went in again and he brought along a box. He told the cashier to put her hand into the box and feel its contents and so she did. She said it felt moist, warm, sticky and soft. The old man then said to the cashier, “ Now that you’re satisfied with the evidence, can I have some toilet paper please ? ”


The Best Smart Ass Answers

SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during an airline flight..
‘Would you like dinner?’, the flight attendant asked John, seated in front..
‘What are my choices?’ John asked.
‘Yes or no,’ she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, ‘Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.’

SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ‘ Do these turkeys get any bigger?’
The stock boy replied, ‘No ma’am, they’re dead.’

SMART ASS ANSWER #3

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. ‘I’ve been waiting for you all day,’ the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.’
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, ‘Got stuck, huh?’
The truck driver says, ‘No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.’

A BONUS EXTRA

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.