‘I Don’t Trust Women’: Don’t Believe the Hype
By Bene | February 1, 2011

At work you’ve formed a cordial relationship with one of the other women, and you start eating lunch with her regularly. Both of you share some of the same interests, the two of you are always laughing together and seem to get along well. Eventually, the break room chats turn into hanging out occasionally after work. In a random conversation over cocktails and appetizers you tell the story about the time you and your besties went to Miami, partied and relaxed on the beach for a much needed vacation. Something in her eyes indicates she can’t relate, and her statement later confirms it.

“I don’t hang with females. And I don’t have any female friends because women can’t be trusted,” she says.

Although you can understand where she’s coming from, your immediate response is a blank stare. In our lifetime, majority of women have heard at least one woman mumble something similar to the above sentiments. Distrust of women, especially women of color, is at an all time high. Too many Black women have adopted a mentality of automatically having a negative perception of other black women. We have got to stop this.

I know the pain of being hurt by women who I’ve considered dear friends. There have been women who have smiled in my face, who I thought were friends, but then talked about me behind my back. I’m not oblivious to the gut-wrenching pain of losing girlfriends you’ve had for years. But I also know this has only been a small percentage of my experience with women.

A life without girlfriends, presumably, would be a life of misery. It is your girlfriends who nurse you back to health after an unexpected surgery. Girlfriends allow you to cry on their shoulders when a guy breaks your heart. It is your female friends who won’t judge you when you do something stupid, but has the courage to tell you the truth. A bond of sisterhood is invaluable to your life as a woman.

I’ve never rolled with a clique. I think the friendships portrayed in TV shows like “Girlfriends” and “Sex and the City,” where a group of women are all friends, is rare. However, I do have women I’ve met in my lifetime who will always be like sisters. Most of them don’t know each other, and we all have moved to different states. Yet, my friends are my biggest cheerleaders and vice versa.

Due to patriarchy, Black women are conditioned to be hostile toward one another. There are times we will mug each other for no reason, or have unnecessary attitudes toward women we don’t even know. Just the other day, my friend and I were talking about how some black women are suspicious when we throw an unexpected compliment their way. Some give a disapproving look like, “Why are you even approaching me? I don’t know you.” Only to find out you just want to tell her how fierce her shoes are.

Then there are the women who proudly proclaim, “I have all male friends. I’m like one of the guys.” They wear their “one of the guys” title like a badge of honor. And a lot of times it is in the presence of men, almost as if they are trying to impress the men by acknowledging their distrust of women. I’ve heard it all from men are easier to get along with to men don’t gossip like women. Let me be the first to debunk that myth right now. Men do gossip; sometimes, just as much as some women.

Not trusting all women says more about you than it does about the women you don’t trust. There is no reason we as women should believe this notion that women are untrustworthy. Enough of that nonsense is coming out of men’s mouths. Let’s not buy the hype.

A network of women can truly move mountains. Look at Oprah. Her success has largely been in part because of the women who have supported her over the years. DJ Beverly Bond, creator of “Black Girls Rock,” was able to promote her message because of women.

Frankly, I’m leery of anyone who says she doesn’t trust women or doesn’t have any girlfriends. We definitely have to be more conscientious about the ideas we put out and believe about one another. I love my male friends dearly, but I couldn’t imagine my life without my girls. And I hope every woman feels this way about at least one woman in her life.

Women united are a mighty force.

@WrittenByBene

http://bitchielife.necolebitchie.com/2011/02/i-dont-trust-women-dont-believe-the-hype/

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