Archives for the day of: December 26, 2011

What are the 5 Levels?
1.Mild Awareness
2.Specific Intent
3.Release of Past Programming
4.State of Allowing
5.Personal Bubble of Reality

http://www.finerminds.com/manifesting/5-levels-of-manifesting/

Aging woman

Age 8:
Looks at herself and sees Cinderella / Sleeping Beauty etc.
Age 15:
Looks at herself and sees Cinderella / Sleeping Beauty / Cheerleader or if she is PMS’ing: sees Fat / Pimples / UGLY (“Mom, I can’t go to school looking like this!”)
Age 20:
Looks at herself and sees “too fat / too thin, too short/ too tall, too straight / too curly” – but decides she’s going anyway.
Age 30:
Looks at herself and sees “too fat / too thin, too short / too tall, too straight / too curly” – but decides she doesn’t have time to fix it so she’s going anyway.
Age 40:
Looks at herself and sees “too fat / too thin, too short / too tall, too straight / too curly” – but says, “At least, I’m clean,” and goes anyway.
Age 50:
Looks at herself and sees “I am” and goes where ever she wants to.
Age 60:
Looks at herself and reminds herself of all the people who can’t even see themselves in the mirror anymore. Goes out and conquers the world.
Age 70:
Looks at herself and sees wisdom, laughter and ability, goes out and enjoys life.
Age 80:
Doesn’t bother to look. Just puts on a red hat and goes out to participate in the world.
Age 90:
Can’t see and so doesn’t worry about it!

source: http://www.jokebuddha.com/joke/Aging_woman#ixzz1hcHqfJJP

WOMEN SPEAK IN ESTROGEN AND MEN LISTEN IN TESTOSTERONE
… By Matt Groening (Creator of The Simpsons and Life in Hell)
Deep Thoughts about Gender Differences

SEX: Women prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.
MATURITY: Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults. Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.
MAGAZINES: Men’s magazines often feature pictures of naked women.
Women’s magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman’s body. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.
HANDWRITING: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship.
They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their “i’s” with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their “p’s” and “g’s”. It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she’s dumping you, she’ll put a smiley face at the end of the note.
COMEDY: Let’s say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching television, and an episode of the Three Stooges comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited; they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions of Curly, man’s favorite Stooge. The women will roll their eyes and groan and wait it out.
BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom – a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from a Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.
DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.
WEDDINGS: When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about “the ceremony.”
Men talk about “the bachelor party.”
SOCKS: Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweat socks.
Women wear strange socks. Socks that are cut way below the ankles, that have pictures of clouds, that have a big fuzzy ball on the back.
NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.
MENOPAUSE: When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction – he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.
THE TELEPHONE: Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
RICHARD GERE: Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way.
Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women.
PLANTS: A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five or six days later to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.
CAMERAS: Men take photography very seriously

source: http://www.jokebuddha.com/joke/Women_speak_in_estrogen_and_men_listen_in_testosterone#ixzz1hcFAT0gU

Do you need a laugh?? What Religion is Your Bra?

A man walked into the ladies department and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said,
‘I’d like to buy a bra for my wife.
‘What type of bra?’ asked the clerk.

‘Type?’ inquires the man, ‘There’s more than one type?’
‘ Look around,’ said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, colour and material imaginable.?
‘Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.’
Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied:
‘There are the Catholic, Salvation Army, Presbyterian, and the Baptist types.

Which one would you prefer?’

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Sales lady responded, ‘It is all really quite simple.’

The Catholic type supports the masses;
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;
The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.

Have you ever wondered
why
A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G,and Hare the letters used to define bra sizes??
If you have wondered why, but couldn’t figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

{A} Almost Boobs.
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can’t Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!

19 ways to win a girls heart….

1. Hugs from behind.
2. Grab her hand when you walk next to each other(don’t make her grab yours).
3. When standing, wrap your arms around her.
4. Cuddle with her.
5. DON’T FORCE HER TO DO ANYTHING.
6. Write little notes.
7. Compliment her Honestly.
8. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.
9. Be super sweet to her.
10. Call her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
11. Comfort her when she cries.
12.Wipe away her tears
13. Love her with all your heart.
14. Pick her up and flirt with her (she’ll scream and say put me down but really she loves it).
15. Be a gentleman (hold the door for her).
16. Don’t let your friends talk trash about her, it’ll get back 2 her!
& DONT ever act diff in front of ur friends than u r when its just u and her!!!!
17. Take her for a long walk at night!
18. Always bring a blanket where ever you go outside when its cold to comfort her and hold her close
19. NEVER LIE TO HER!!!!!! because then she will think everything you ever said to her was a lie, even “i love you”

Read more: http://www.funenclave.com/chit-chat/19-ways-to-win-girls-heart-720.html#ixzz1hc79hofz

The 10 worst offenses of online parent gloating

by Rhiana Maidenberg | November 9, 2011

http://www.babble.com/mom/work-family/humble-brag/

 

1: “My 19-month-old won’t stop talking. It is driving me crazy!”

The Humble Brag: I'm my 19-month-old won't stop talking.  It is driving me crazy!

Really? Define crazy. Because I’m pretty sure that even from here, I can see you shudder with delight over each “word” he says, be it “ball” or “ba .”

2: “My husband is so thoughtless.  He had his secretary buy me a Tiffany’s bracelet for Mother’s Day.”

The Humble Brag: My husband is so thoughtless.  He had his secretary buy me a Tiffany's bracelet for Mother's Day

That must be really hard for you! I felt similarly when my husband forgot the day altogether.

3: “I was so sick during my pregnancy.  I only was able to gain 10 pounds!”

The Humble Brag: My husband is so thoughtless.  He had his secretary buy me a Tiffany's bracelet for Mother's Day

How horrible! You must have lost all your baby weight within the first two weeks! I, on the other hand, gained 50, so I was able to work it off for months and months.

 

4: “Help! My 18-month-old insists on pooping in the potty, and I’m not ready to potty-train!”

The Humble Brag: Help! My 18-month-old insists on pooping in the potty, and I'm not ready to potty-train!

Poor you, you must really miss wiping poopy bottoms. Maybe he will have an accident — cross your fingers! 

5: “I just dropped my children off for a week at the grandparents. What will I do without them?”

The Humble Brag: I just dropped my children off for a week at the grandparents.  What will I do without them?

I can think of a few things: Sleep in, eat in peace, read a book without pictures, watch television shows other than Curious George and Super Why … should I keep going? Fine. Get a mani-pedi, get a bottle of wine, have sex in the living room …

6: “I am so tired of being asked if I am my childrens’ nanny.  I can’t help that I look so young.”

The Humble Brag: I am so tired of being asked if I am my childrens' nanny.  I can't help that I look so young.

 You’re right, that totally sucks. On the other hand, giving birth aged me four years in just fourteen hours. Which sucks more.

7: “My 2-month-old already sleeps through the night.  Should I be waking her to nurse?”

The Humble Brag: My 2-month-old already sleeps through the night.  Should I be waking her to nurse?

Are you kidding me? Eight hours of uninterrupted sleep must be really taxing on you! You should book a massage.

8: “Whenever I take my child anywhere, strangers always stop us to admire her.  I can’t even go grocery shopping in peace!”

The Humble Brag: Whenever I take my child anywhere, strangers always stop us to admire her.  I can't even go grocery shopping in peace!
Maybe you should try having her wear a ski mask. I hear that this look is coming back with the toddler crowd.

9: “How do I support my best friend whose toddler is developmentally delayed, when my own is so advanced?”

The Humble Brag: How do I support my best friend whose toddler is developmentally delayed, when my own is so advanced?

Well, for starters, you should be sure to always mention your child’s milestones whenever you get together, and announce her superior abilities on every technological medium available. Other mothers love that!

10: “My husband is really annoying me.  He wants to be so involved in the child rearing.”

The Humble Brag: My husband is really annoying me.  He wants to be so involved in the child rearing.

I know, right?! Last weekend, after 18 holes of golf, my husband insisted on putting the girls to bed! SO ANNOYING