Archives for the month of: March, 2012

HOW TO SPOT A LIAR

By Patti A. Wood, MA, CSP
http://www.pattiwood.net

In the most important interviews of their careers Gary Condit sucked in his lips and stuck out his tongue, Bill Clinton touched his nose about every four minutes and Enron’s Ken Lay overacted and was over confident. In these public moments they gave us nonverbal cues that they were lying. They lost their credibility.

Maintaining credibility is an important part of customer service. You need to trust the people you do business with. Your customers need to trust you to be honest with them. If you feel that the car salesman is trying to sell you a lemon or the computer help desk is lying about the need to upgrade to their new software your confidence in their business is undermined. When you tell a customer that you can deliver in three months and swipe your tongue across your lips he picks up on a subconscious level that you may be lying and you lose the sale. When your front counter employee smiles and sarcastically says they are so sorry you are so upset, the words are meaningless. Can you spot a liar? And can you not be seen as a liar yourself.

Nonverbal Communication is the way the subconscious mind speaks. No matter how much you want to control it, it gives clues to how you are truly feeling. This makes it an ideal medium for detecting lies. Eyes, head, voice and hands leak out cues of withholding and deception or cues that can establish credibility. Body Language cues an undeniable although the underlying motivation and interpretation can vary.

There are up to 10,000 body language cues packed in every minute of interaction. When someone is not telling the truth, their nonverbal behavior speaks volumes. Body language cues are undeniable although the underlying motivation and the interpretation can vary. Therefore you need to base your interpretation on a number of factors called deception cues.

NONVERBAL DECEPTION CUES

The Nine Months Pregnant Pause – Pauses

Liars have longer pauses, shorter answers and longer times between a question and a response than someone who is merely nervous. It makes sense that liars need time to create the lie, recalling the truth takes less time. If you ask a clerk if they gave you back the correct change and there is a long pause before their response it may be an indication of deceit. This is not a cue you would take in isolation as fact. You might combine it with checking to see where their eyes go after you ask them the question.

People tend to look up to the right to visualize or create a new response or down to the right to create the sounds of a new response. We recall information that occurred in the past by looking up to the left or down to the left. Spot a liar by listening for pauses and right eye movement. Be credible by answering spontaneously.

The Hands Have it – Excessive Gesturing and Adaptors

If you lie spontaneously in the moment you will tend to spend more time gesturing with your hands and using adapters, such as scratching your body or playing with a pen than someone who is just nervous.

If you ask Sara in Payroll, who serves you the internal customer, why your check is so late, and then she picks up the beanie baby from on her desk, begins to play with it as she says she has worked on this for hours and she has no idea. If this frog juggling seems excessive, and especially if it is combined with other cues of deception you have got her. Realize the rehearsed or practiced liar who has planned their deceit ahead of time will try to control gestures.

Mind Your Mouth – Mouth, Lips, and Tongue Cues

Be careful of pursing or licking your lips. Condit pursed his lips and sucked them inward more than 14 times in his famous 2002 television interview with Connie Chung. This can indicate extreme anxiety, withholding information and withholding aggression. Tight lips indicate you may be planning to keep the truth in. If you actually suck the lips part way in, you may be withholding anger. When you are nervous, your mouth becomes dry, and you lick your lips and swallow as you struggle to find the right words to say.

Be Still My Love — Lack of Animation

Deception is all about keeping something hidden. The more a person moves his body or expresses with his voice and the more he or she speaks, the more we can learn. Practiced liars know this and usually keep as still as possible. Being overly controlled can work against you. Gary Condit was coached to stay still in his television interview. So he kept his face inexpressive, his upper body stiff and his legs crossed. First, he looked frozen, and then when he couldn’t hold it any longer he leaked out aggression cues such as finger pointing grasping motions and sticking out his tongue. We spotted a liar. I have often seen a normally animated customer service rep get up to a product explanation and become a monotone automatron. The audience wonders what you are hiding and is bored to tears. Spot a liar by looking for someone who is too stiff and still. Don’t look like a liar by making sure you are naturally animated.

Hand Jive — Hiding Hands

The hands come out symbolically from the heart; hands and arms symbolically express the emotions of the heart. Liars tend to keep their hands hidden and still. They stick them in their pockets, clench them together or hold them behind their backs. Imagine that the person who you suspect of lying has the truth in the palms of their hands and see if they show it to you. It is not surprising that one of the first things we do to start a business interaction or close a deal with a customer is shake hands. My three years of academic research on handshakes show that the single most important factor in the handshake is palm to palm contact. Research also shows, when you’re the customer and don’t get it, you wonder what the person is hiding, you are uncomfortable for the rest of the interaction and you are less likely to purchase. When people are trying to hide their true feeling or the truth they may stick their hands in their pockets, clench them together, or hold the behind their backs. To spot liars — look to see if the hands are open and “above board.” Because people do hide their hands when they are nervous, if you see hidden hands ask yourself why they are nervous. Don’t look like a liar by using your hands normally as you speak or if that is not normal loosely at your sides. And try not to clasp your hands together. Body language is highly symbolic and it will look like you are hiding your own hands for comfort.

Windows to the Soul — Closed Curtains

We have what I call windows all over the body. Just as we pull down the shades when we don’t want others to see in, we also close off the entrances to our body so our true feelings aren’t seen. There are windows at the bottom of the feet, the kneecaps, the bottom of the torso, the middle of the chest, the neck, mouth and eyes and the top of the head. Liars tend to close entrances to hide the truth. A liar closes these windows by putting clothing over them, turning his body away from the person he is talking to, putting objects or furniture between himself and others and most simply folding his arms. When someone’s windows are closed we don’t feel as comfortable in an interaction. You’re asking a clerk an important question as her face is turned toward you but the rest of her body is turned toward the exit. Her windows are closed. She is saying, “I am pretending by looking at you that I want to talk but really I want to go home. I am not really interested in serving you.”

In the 90’s I consulted with the architect and owners of new “Ripley’s Believe It or Not” museums on the layout of the entrances and ticket counters of new locations. They planned raised platforms, high counter top ticket booths an average of ten steps from the door. This design was great for security but I shared with them why it would reduce spontaneous purchases.

People had to go too far to see the ticket person and most of his or her windows would be hidden. Customers would not feel safe and comfortable. To spot a liar look for barriers and closed windows. Don’t look like a liar and keep your windows open.

Why Can’t We Be Friends? — Withdrawn Behavior

If we are comfortable with ourselves and the person we are with, and the topic we are discussing, we will be open and friendly. Liars don’t usually feel very comfortable so they tend to hold back and be less friendly. It is easier for friends and intimates to lie successfully because they appear less withdrawn and friendlier. Perhaps they work harder at lying because the person knows them, perhaps they are more concerned about the consequences of detection or maybe they are better at it because they have experience lying to the person in the past. In any case they lie differently and as with career criminals, they can usually maintain a more relaxed overall demeanor and look the person straight in the eye.

Strangers need to work harder to keep others from seeing the truth. Consequently, they are more withdrawn and closed off from the person with whom they are conversing and usually don’t appear as friendly. You have heard for years that you need to be friendly with the customer. Now you know why.

Our ancestors went to the friendly tribes to trade. These days getting a front line service representative to love their jobs and enjoy dealing with the customers is incredibly difficult. Attitude problems and surly help seem be the norm. You can’t just tell the help to smile. Employees need to be comfortable with their tasks and knowledge. Ask yourself “am I giving enough time to training and what am I doing to make the workplace friendly? To spot a liar look for someone unfriendly. Don’t look like a liar by reaching out, being open and receptive.

I Want To Sell You A Car! — Excessive Confidence

Have you ever experienced a super smooth salesperson? He may have over enthusiastically praised the product and you felt uncomfortable about his pitch? Then you have deciphered a lie by noting that the person sounded too good or too confident. We look and listen for anything that doesn’t sound normal. Nonverbal communication, in this case paralanguage, which included things like voice, tone, volume, and speaking rate that sounds over confident or overacted is read at the subconscious level as out of the norm. Years ago a friend who was a very successful computer salesman came over to my office to do some selling for me over the phone. Instead of having a planned patter he hemmed and hawed and stumbled over his words. His mistakes surprised me. I thought he was just warming up. Five calls latter he was still sounding awkward. So I gathered up my courage and asked him about his behavior. He said, “Oh, when I first started as a salesman I was very awkward and very successful.”

People went out of their way to be nice to me on the phone. Sometimes they even finished my sales pitch for me! I noticed later when I became very confident (make that cocky and fake) that I was not as successful, in fact my prospects hung up on me! So I stayed very humble. I don’t worry about sounding smooth and perfect. Just being my bumbling self works for me. What my friend was experiencing is a nonverbal effect of deception. When nonverbal communication, in this case paralanguage, which includes things like voice tone, volume, speaking rate read at a subconscious level as false, our internal alarms go off. Spot a liar by going with your gut impression. Your instincts read fake at a hundred paces. Normal levels of confidence, however, also read as sincere. Don’t look like a liar by being your real self.

Don’t Cry For Me Argentina — Circumstances Not Matching Demeanor

One of the first things you look for when reading body language is the alignment of the circumstances to the demeanor of the person talking to you. For instance, in Connie Chung’s television interview with Congressman Gary Condit, we expected him to be emotionally upset and embarrassed, considering he was a politician suspected of having an affair with a young woman who had been missing for 115 days.

Instead, he began the interview calmly and proceeded to become indignant. This demeanor was not what we expected. The lack of appropriateness is a sign that the person is not being sincere. When I was driving back from New York a few days after September 11th gas station attendants continued to say with feigned brightness “Have a nice day.” They were on automatic pilot. I knew they didn’t even realize how they sounded. Oddly enough when I shared that I was coming back from New York near Ground Zero each and every person became real and in the moment. Spot a liar who uses a planned “It’s a great day. May I help you?” delivery. Don’t look like a liar by being in the moment.

Nothing Is Wrong! — Nonverbal Behavior Does Not Match Spoken Words

When the spoken words don’t agree with the nonverbal communication, we generally trust the nonverbal communication to tell us the truth. When a customer says nothing is wrong, while sitting with arms wrapped tightly around the body and a scowl on the face, we doubt her sincerity. If service rep says “yes, we can do that for you” while shaking his head “no,” we can be sure he is, at least, ambivalent about the answer. Spot a liar by watching for lack of synchronicity. The subconscious reveals the truth. If the service person says, “This is a great service contract,” while rubbing the eyes, it doesn’t; look right, the ears, it doesn’t sound right or the nose, it stinks. Look credible by having your body language match what you are saying.

A smile is the most common facial expression to mask emotions. It is often used to mask displeasure and anger. A real smile changes the entire face. The eyes light up. The forehead wrinkles, the eyebrows and cheek muscles rise, skin around the eyes and mouth crinkles and finally the mouth turns up. In a masking smile, nothing moves but the corners of the mouth and often they curve up rather than down.

Knowing these cues can help you decipher when someone else is being less than forthcoming. Sometimes people say: “It’s all in your mind.” Now you know “It’s all in your body.”

http://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=2314

SUPERSTITIONS

There are certain amount of unreasoning beliefs among people living in a community, arising sometimes from fear, sometimes from helplessness, and sometimes from coincidences. They are called as “superstitions”. These beliefs have been existing since the creation of first human being. Great number of them are not related with any scientific basis, reason, contemporariness and religious faith. Although they have noting to do with wisdom and reason, unfortunately they could not be removed and eliminated from heart, brain, conscience of human being. In emerging of such kind of beliefs both natural structure of persons and illiterate words of elderly persons, as well as of some religious officials have been effective. Even if beliefs have shown variation from person to person they have also some common aspects. Superstitions which we were able to collate are listed hereunder:

* One cannot eat meal by putting his one foot over another, it means disrespect to the table and it is considered as the sign of famine.
* A mirror which is broken may bring bad luck; it is said, house where mirror was broken cannot get well for a period of seven years.
* Thirteenth day of a Month is considered as ill-omen; nothing is done on this day.
* One cannot pass in front of a car.
* It is considered as ill-omen that a rabbit may pass in front of a car.
* To put on trousers by standing up is the sign for poverty.
* Milk cannot be given to nobody in the darkness of night, it is said that if it is given then cow does not produce milk any more.
* Whenever quince is abundant it is said that winter will pass heavy.
* Any child who plays with fire makes wet his/her bed.
* It is considered as the sign of dead when owl sings at heaves of a house.
* It is said that if you say something in forty times it is achieved.
* It is improper to call someone as pig; whoever says such word, it is believed, has no appetite for forty days.
* When giving a milk to somebody, a small piece of coal or a green leaf is put into milk; otherwise it is believed that animal will no more produce milk.
* That crows fly around a house is not considered as a good luck.
* One should not set out at the time of Friday Praying.
* No work is done between “Sala” and “Ezan” (call to prayer) on Friday.
* Laundry is not done on Saturdays and Tuesdays.
* Child cannot be let alone, if it becomes necessary then a broom is put beside the child.
* Laundry vessel is not let to remain on fire for along time, otherwise it is said that somebody dies in that house.
* “Nazar Boncuğu” (bead worn to avert the evil eye) is attached to children to avert evil eyes.
* When cones of pine tree are too many, it is the sign that the winter in that year will pass hard.
* Whoever covers quilt on Wednesday gets ill.
* It is forbidden to jump over a child, otherwise the child remains short.
* That clothes of child remain outside until the sunset causes the child bewitched.
* No sweeping work is done at nights which are considered holly by religion.
* It is considered improper to make visits at night for a women given birth a child.
* It is believed that anybody who finds clover with four leaves will bring luck to him/her.
* It is considered that when a dog howls during “Ezan” is herald of death.
* If a baby creeps, a guest will come home.
* Hands should not be bound together, if so that person becomes unsuccessful.
* Finger nail and toe-nail are not cut together, if so it is believed that that person would face with one sorrowful act and one joyful event.
* While yawning mouth is to be closed, otherwise it is considered that the person who yawns without closing his/her mouth cites “Ezan” to the Devil.
* Scissor cannot be passed from hand to hand, because scissor is considered as enemy.
* Yeast for bread is not given to neighbour after “Ezan”.
* The first hair cut from a boy is put in pocket of father believing that it will increase fortune.
* Pieces of bread are not disposed of, if they are picked up and eaten, it is said that home would have much fortune and fertility.
* It is said that whoever folds his/her hands has become non-fertile and unlucky, his/her mother dies.
* Nails cannot be cut at nights
* One should not look at mirror at nights
* Water is poured after the wedding car for bride may return to her mother’s home, turning the water vessel upside down one sits on it.
* Gum is not chewed at nights, it is said that whoever chews gum at nights he/she eats flesh of dead body.
* It is believed that whoever plays with his/her foot at night, his/her father or mother will die.
* It cannot be whistled at nights, for the person who whistles it said that he/she is calling the Devil.
* To take spider at night is considered as a sin.
* It is said that to count stars at night is not good.
* Ash cannot be thrown outside at night, hot ash cannot be poured over water; it is believed that those who perform such act will come across with curse of genie.
* Quilt is not covered at nigh.
* No passage is made over a place where laundry is washed at night, it cannot be stepped on laundry water.
* One cannot sit behind a door at night, if so, it is thought that this person would face with slander.
* Names of girls are written under shoe of bride;, it is believed that the girl whose name was not erased after the ceremony will marry.
* Nobody should pass in front of wedding car.
* It is considered ill-omen when a cock crows before the night
* It is believed that anybody who could pass under rainbow would change his/her sex.
* When somebody has the hiccups, it is said “someone mentioned your name”, and then this phrase is uttered: “he/she is a friend let him/her mention my name, if he/she is hostile, let him/her burst out.
* It is said that if a prisoner wears ring of a dead person, he/she may discharge from prison soon.
* Lead is poured for patients.
* Wedding ceremony is not made between the two Bairams.
* No handiwork is made following afternoon Prayer.
* Underwear of baby cannot be hanged following afternoon Prayer.
* Cloth on anybody cannot be sewn.
* Ash cannot be disposed of anywhere following afternoon Prayer.
* When a black cat passes in front of a man, it is considered as ill-omen.
* Spider cannot be taken following the afternoon prayer
* It is said that if someone does not finish his/her work, then his/her dead would be hard.
* Two babies cannot be let alone in a room without completing their 40th day; otherwise, it is believed that one will become tall and the other will become short, which is called “kırk basan”.
* A marriage cannot be solemnised between the two Bairams.
* If oleaster shoot, stork excrement and blue bead are tied together and placed under the armpit, that person will not be affected by the evil eye.
* Two brides are not brought into the same house.
* It is not proper to pass in front of a man going to his job.
* A man who passes through two women cannot make his wife obeyed.
* It is bad luck to hear bark of a dog; when heard it is said “ It may bark to its owner”.
* If girls eat something between two meals, their luck to find a husband becomes impossible.
* Handiwork is not made in the course of first three days of “Kurban” Bairam.
* Stepping on ash is not good, which act may cause the person to be paralysed.
* One cannot pass through a dark place, if it becomes necessary then the Turkish word “destur” (with your permission) must be cited.
* Do not step on threshold of door which stands for being subjected to slander.
* When excrement of a bird falls on the head, it means that the person is lucky and will earn money.
* Ringing of ears are accounted for ill-omen.
* A bird’s knocking on the window with its beak is the sign of news to be received.
* Nail which is cut cannot be dropped on the ground, and cannot be stepped on.
* To sit on threshold is not good; anybody who sits thereon will not be lucky.
* To see a black cat means ill-omen.
* Flight of a shooting star stands for dead.
* A baby who has not completed its 40th day is not removed from home, is not passed by graveyard; otherwise it is said in Turkish “kırk basar”.
* A boy who drinks coffee do not have moustaches, he becomes beardless.
* If a baby clenches its fingers firmly, it becomes stingy in future.
* When a baby is kissed under its foot, it is believed to walk early, when kissed on lips early to speak early, when kissed on back of the neck to be obstinate.
* If a small child looks through the space between his/her legs, it means that a guest will come home
* To enter a room with right leg stands for good luck.
* That a cat turns towards South (direction to Mecca) and scratches its head with its fore legs is accounted for rain.
* In order that a person suffered accident should not experience a new accident, salt or coin is circulated around his/her head.
* Whoever sees stork flying passes the year by travelling continuously, whoever sees it on a land stays in his/her home.
* Waste water cannot be poured in sewer, whoever pours it will be paralysed.
* It is not considered good that lying-in woman (woman who gave birth a child) may leave her home for a period of forty days.
* It is believed that if a scissor remains open in a home, a fight will start.
* To pass under a ladder is considered as ill-omen.
* It is believed that Angel stays on the right hand side of shoulder, and Satan on the left hand side of shoulder.
* When somebody dies among people of the district, water vessels which are full are discharged.
* No finger is directed toward Grave and Graveyard; if it is directed, the finger must be bitten and put under the foot.
* Blue bead prevents effects of evil eye.
* Whenever scissor is left open, it means that mouth of enemy may open.
* Candle is lighted for seven nights at place where corpse is washed.
* Do not look at nails while dead body is carried to Cemetery.
* To catch spider leads poverty.
* If eyes of dead person are open, it is believed that shortly after another person will die.
* To crack the joints of the fingers is accounted for telling beads to the Satan.
* At a market place, money for price of goods bought first of all from the Seller should be thrown on the kiosk; this action brings good luck.
* Anybody who cracks the joints of his/her fingers invites Satan.
* To see minaret in a dream is a joyful news; death brings alive, green is desire, to see having been hung is the sign that may be obtained assistance from great personalities.
* To see eggs in a dream implies bad words and gossip.
* To see white sheep in a dream construed as winter and snow
* A relative of a woman who sees penis in her dream will die.
* A person who sees a human excrement in his/her dream receives money.
* A person who sees a girl child in his/her dream receives bad news.
* A person who sees a boy in his/her dream receives joyful news.
* Anybody who holds gold in his/her hand in a dream earns money.
* Anybody who sees white horse in a dream accomplishes his/her desire.
* A twitch in right eye implies health, in left eye implies wealth.
* Hair in comb after combing is not thrown to street; if it is thrown, it may entangle in a leg of chicken, so you may have headache continuously.
* If your left palm is scratched you will receive money, if your right palm is scratched then you will spend money.
* Any work started on Tuesday is suspended, therefore do not start working on Tuesday.
* Soap is given to somebody on top of hand.
* Anybody who remains under eaves is got paralysed.
* Anybody who sews his/her dress worn would sew his/her wisdom.
* Thorn which is hung behind the main gate protects family from ill effects of evil eye, if ear is hung it brings wealth.
* Left hand is put on the head while drinking water.
* Do not set out on Tuesday.
* Woman does not pass in front of man who goes to work in the morning, if she passes that man’s business does not go well.
* It is ill-omen to boil water without purpose.
* Laundry is not washed on Tuesdays and Saturdays
* Firstly old men sit on the table of meal, otherwise the meal loses its productivity.
* If wood burn in a stove or oven by emitting sound, it is believed that gossip has been made about the resident.
* Red dress is not worn while lightning flashes.
* Slippers and shoes being upside down are not good.
* Do not speak in WC, it brings ill-omen.
* Cackle of hen implies to bring a bad-luck.
* It is believed that to knock at a wood three times will ward off all evils.
* If slippers and shoes are upside down, someone will die in home.
* A sheep is sacrificed in foundation of a newly built house.
* Water is poured behind a person who sets out.
* If anybody washes laundry on Saturdays in the course of seven weeks, then someone will die in the home.
* Do not sleep in the bed with your stocking.
* Do not burn outer coat of onion and shell of egg.
* Do not lay your face down, if so, you would be like a non-Muslim.
* Wherever umbilical cord of a baby is thrown, it is said that baby would choose that profession exercised in that place. Therefore, it might be necessary to throw it on top of tiles for getting higher ranks at its profession.
* The first person who is come across with the traveler would bring either good luck or bad luck.
* A boy baby is placed on lap of a new bride.
* A pencil is caused to be attached in hands of a new born baby for the purpose of its being in good humour and study well.
* It is not considered proper to wear ring on the left hand.
* In the first entrance of a newly married husband after marriage ceremony, it is considered a good luck for him to break a glass.
* A new born baby cannot be washed on Friday.
* If someone blows to the mouth of a new born baby, it is believed that this baby would be cordial.
* If water is poured out of a glass, it means that guest will come home.
* A bread is circulated around the head of a person who perjured himself in order to release the perjury, and then it is given to a dog.
* If a person rises his right leg at the time of taking oath, then his oath becomes unacceptable.
* If bread is circulated over a wound and thrown into graveyard before the morning “Ezan”, and then if the person throwing it into the graveyard returns home without looking back, it is believed that wound will get better.
* It is said that anybody who sleeps in bed stretching out widely will earn too much money, on the contrary anybody who sleeps in bed by shrinking will have less revenue.
* Bread or sugar is turned around a wound, and if it is given to a dog before the morning “Ezan”, wound will heal.

http://www.turkishculture.org/lifestyles/turkish-culture-portal/superstitions-512.htm

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