Stupid is As Stupid Does

By Doug Linman, Ph.D.

WE wake up everyday with a natural presence of mind. We get up, brush our teeth, shave, shower, dry off, dress ourselves and launch into our work, or family/home time, social or hobby time. It all seems to make such perfect sense that it is a wonder that anything could really go wrong. But it does, and some have said if there was only a book on how not to be stupid I would get it. There are so many subjects to discuss where the book helps, that I have collected a list of some first important ones as a quick reference guide, so you can remain the more intelligent looking one in the room.

Ok here goes:

ON DATING and RELATIONSHIPS:

Should you open the door for a woman? Yes you fool and stop asking this question.

Who pays for all the date meals? How about learning how to cook instead, you save money and its much more fun.

Should I date people I meet in a bar? If they ask you for more party time, the answer is NO! You should seek people that are ready to leave that environment and do simple things with you, like skating, hiking, movies, or walking, in truth a relationship this desires to start working on sincerely discovering each other, then go for it!

What should I find out about the people I am dating? Well, assuming you have not had sex with them and if you have made serious considerations then by all means find out what you can from friends, church, on-line, but DO NOT hunt past girl friends or guy friends to establish a group infested credible feeling. You have to figure this out for yourself by thinking through basic behaviors. If considering anything intimate, you MUST both visit a doctor and get an all clear test including drug usage. There is a 50% rise in STDs and many of these, like Herpes, do not go away, ever. So THINK about yourself first, before you do anything with anyone else that could permanently alter your life.

My boyfriend is terribly jealous but I really love him, do you think if we get married this will change? Dear Lost in Space NO! Dump him now, go live a better life and grow out of this.

My girl friend gossips about other people all the time. I have asked her to stop this because I think it is wrong. She simply feels the need to continue this and ignores me. How can I get her to stop this? Dear What were you thinking, You have no power over this childish behavior. As a gentleman, state your case, say you have tried but it remains a show stopper, break it off for good immediately –with NO going back—and go live a better life.

I am married with 3 children. Our last child was born 10 years ago. My wife is nearly 100lbs overweight and looks terrible and unhealthy. No other medical reasons just food addiction. I did, for several years, mention her weight which put me in a permanent and childish dog house, so I say nothing now and no longer seek her intimately. I do love her, but feel I am left in a very empty adult life except for my children who remain my precious kids. Our Children are 11, 13, and 15 and I do not wish to hurt my family or leave my wife until everyone is grown and out. I do feel that after 10 years of waiting with no change that I have had enough. Counseling made it worse between us since I was the one that initiated the need to go, and then the therapist turned out to be terrible and drove us to a more negative place.I am a healthy 6 foot 2, 197lbs guy, that bikes on the weekend and remains healthy. The kids and I do these things together as well. Dear Health Nut, your responsibility is to your family until they reach majority. The math shows you have 7 years to go if you are leaving because your wife is unwilling or unable to see that without immediate change you will be gone. Both Women and Men seem to forget that remaining healthy, attached, connected and attractive to your spouse is part of your marriage VOW responsibility. The question remains; what is driving your wife to such depression levels that food is her only out. This is the real issue and there is direct help for this, maybe doing this through your church might be less of a stress. Explore at bit more before you throw in the towel, but state clearly to her now in a very nice way or love letter, that if you did not love her you would not be seeking a joint solution to remain together.

ON EMPLOYMENT and OPPORTUNITY:

I am 17 and have not been offered any jobs because I have rings and piercing and I do not think this is right! Dear Give me a break, stop your whining, grow up and figure this out very simply. Historically, regular jobs are seeking regular people to represent their companies and deal directly with their expected and attracted clientele. This fiduciary responsibility and demand is placed on companies by their investors, shareholders and industry. Period, end of sentence! So, where can a revolutionary fellow like yourself find a job? Well..er.. NOT in standard corporate America, but certainly you are needed, sought and required in specialty industries; like young clothing stores, video stores, mechanical, house building, etc..any place where the public dress code is not a required part of the job, as it is in regular business. By the way, in regular business; women should stop the perfuming levels and exposing way too much. It is not that much appreciated and it sets you up for backroom ridicule, not promotion. Men, no different with the please smell my body sprays! Your professional image, qualifications and consistent mature behavior is what levels the salary job markets between men and women, not the human resources labor category.

I am 20 years old and have no credible experience to form a Resume and little money to pay for a professional resume writer since they are very expensive. What can I do? Dear Oh Well; First of all, you need to list what you do know, what you are good at, what you may really desire right now to work at and just for this first phase. Do not over think this! You do not have to make a forever decision, just an I need a job now decision. Now, take your list with you as you travel about, visit a couple of local colleges and ask them to find an English major or writing, journalism, or media student to help you write your resume for a few dollars, or post your need in local Coffee shops, but NO phone numbers, just your email or something you can control. Also ask your church for help as well, they will probably have someone who is good and will help you for free.

I need to file Bankruptcy this month; will this affect me getting a job right now? Dear Down but NOT Out, If you are just filing now, the answer is NO. It will take at least 90 days before its official and in public records. So, stop over thinking this loss, get a job now and waste no more time about this. The sooner you start recovering the better off you will feel, which will rebuild your self confidence and allow you to consider, down the lane, what type of Credit fixing agency you need to help restore your credit rating, which will initially go down, but with a job in your pocket will return. Hopefully, you will get rid of all your CC debt and never allow this to overtake your life again. You can obtain CC negotiation support through the Bankruptcy Court and other great help, so use them; its the only free part. It will cost you at least $1500 to file with a BK attorney, the paperwork is extensive but if you download it (Chapter 7 or Chapter 11) and get most of it done/drafted for your lawyer, this would be good and will save you some money. Read and study on both types of Bankruptcy so you know the differences allowing you to ask informed questions. There are credit counseling requirements as well that you must meet, so follow your attorney’s guidance. Please remember one thing, this IS NOT the end of the world; it is actually a clean beginning! So do not get depressed over this, you will be OK, and with your new job and your past debt relieved, even better.

ON THE ECONOMY:

There is great speculation that our economy will jump back up this year and everything will start going back to good levels! Dear Mmm you are dreaming….I have heard this as well but only from people who remain uninformed or are living in denial. NO! This will not be the case all across America, we are clearly in a deep recession and things are not good and will get worse causing all sorts of adjustments in jobs, business operations, tax revenues, investments, security, international operations and other considerations. The incoming President faces the toughest call to duty since the 1930s. His next 4 years will be historic in our United States economic status and its recovery. I think everyone is feeling various pressures in this area and depending on what you do for a living you might be fine. One example is: cleaning services- this area alone has risen 230% over the last 90days because of foreclosures and the clean up necessary to get these homes/condos in shape for resale. So this group is doing very well and will continue to do so for at least the next 2 years before it levels off back to standard levels. There are more examples of some good areas, a few also in Day Trading with caution, fixing and repairing homes, infrastructure projects, solar panel installations, green technologies, Bio Tech and Health Services to name a few. The issue is available Cash and Credit for spending and thus stimulating the economy. This is where the weakness lies and will for sometime. Credit laws, as an example, are being re-written as this article comes out and will be completed within these next 18 months in 2009 going into early 2010 affecting the future of credit reporting, credit availability, interest and penalties, credit worthiness, and credit establishment. There are several regulatory matters that are already in play like this that we will not even hear about until the third quarter of 2009 but will start affecting us possibly sooner. Banking and lending institutions as well will have regulatory changes and new protections and submission requirements. International business is already changing its rules of engagement, there is talk of a new currency idea, and business contracts are advancing new protection language to assume assets. So the effects are not over and more are coming. The Court systems will be busy over these few years as consumers and regulators go in and out of understanding what is right and fair.

ON SCREAMING CHILDREN:
This one was interesting, but as a parent as well with over 30 years experience, I got it. We are talking about 2 year through 5 year old’s, so we have a common place to discuss. I would like to think there are no bad children, just bad parenting. Sorry, but most children are blank slates ready for input and most of that input — in audio and video forms– comes directly from the parents and their behavior. I have witnessed stroller year children getting yelled at by both Dads and Mothers for their child crying and yet neither of them would pick the child up and simply hold them and provide a soothing attentive voice! This area is certainly tough to discuss because I truly believe that parents hold all the cards at this age, a most delicate time of training, and many simply do not rise well to the occasion using all sort of strange excuses and means to provide no consistent training and education as a true teacher would their students.

Parents are the highest level of teacher to their early childhood family! This should be a great and spiritual time where the best of both parents is offered as a wonderful and positive gift for the child to learn and appreciate. Instead, discouragement and terrible barrier building is sometimes displayed that directly drive more poor behavior from the child. At 2 years old, its not the childs fault for being out of control—its yours! I know some moms are at their wits end especially the first couple of years after handling the most significant thing that happens to a female body and mind, giving life! Nothing can possibly compare or compete with this. Some women recover immediately, just naturally gifted, as new moms and fun to watch as they handle the crying and screaming with such ease, warmth, comfort, and almost expected spiritual simplicity. These are the ones to observe for they are rare and can certainly provide great insight for many mothers and fathers. While wonderful, we need to get back to the general less perfect parenting levels which are not as easy and especially arriving now from a whole generation that grew up mostly in Day Care facilities. Great Parenting skills that are positive, directed, consistent, absolute and always fair come from two sources.

The first being your own parents who did the job right and allowed you a natural ability that you will foster in your children. The second is study/education that you can reference and use everyday to quickly build your confidence and natural abilities. Do not make this education a life long project of reading 500 books on parenting or taking endless classes. You either get it quickly from possibly one well laid out book or class, or you are more than lost..but still redeemable… Do not get any book called All About Two Year Olds! The reason is simple, by the time you bring it home from the store it is of little value. Get the one book from Toddler to 7 years old for example and read it all several times, taking notes, NOT about the YEAR they are– but about the BEHAVIOR they are displaying. Children do not come with the same learning speed chip, so forget the year business and calmly observe what they are doing and how they are reacting to all the stimuli. It is their first time hearing and seeing everything just as it was for you! So always place yourself in their little shoes. They need consistent guidance, not loud, negative criticism. Hang out at all levels with your child so they and you get connected early at all these levels, and you will be able to understand what might be upsetting them before they cry or scream. This intuition can be trained and developed in you by simply playing at these levels with your children, which will buy you natural respect and observance from you child. Many times it is what you do not say that has the most impact. Children are wonderful, they change your life for the better if you allow yourself to grow up with them.

Douglas Linman, Ph.D.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/1850744

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