In Memoriam

Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside.

“Yes,” says Sally, “a lock of my husband’s hair.”

“But Larry’s still alive.”

“I know, but his hair is gone.”

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Relaxing Location

While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. “You’ll have a beautiful view of the swan pond,” he assured them.

Dad wasn’t sold: “Unless you’re including a periscope with my casket, I don’t know how I’m going to enjoy it.”

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A Dime a Dozen

While visiting a retirement community, my wife and I decided to do some shopping and soon became separated.

“Excuse me,” I said, approaching a clerk. “I’m looking for my wife. She has white hair and is wearing white shoes.”

Gesturing around the store, the clerk responded, “Take your pick.”

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Changing With the Times

When I was in high school, I wore Birkenstocks. Or as I call them now, the ’90s version of a purity ring.

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Teeth Cleaning

The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in. “Cool, Grandma!” he said. “Now take off your arm.”

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