Archives for posts with tag: blog

How Perfectionism Hurts Relationships Perfectionist
Traits Usually Prevent Healthy Relationship Formation
I would argue that the will to become a better person and a better partner may be the most desirable asset anyone can bring to a marriage. However, starting out as or striving to become the “perfect” partner is neither possible nor desirable. In fact, strong perfectionist traits usually prevent healthy relationship formation.

Rather than experiencing a full and healthy range of emotions, a perfectionist often vacillates between two primary emotions—dread and relief. The roller-coastering pattern of dread and relief endlessly repeats itself in the life of a non-recovered perfectionist, and spouses and children are often the unhappy passengers of this not-so-thrilling ride.

In fact, perfectionists spend most of their time dreading the next potential failure, and successes are met with a feeling of temporary relief, rather than with a feeling of satisfaction in having done a thing well. Self-esteem does not build from feelings of relief, or the temporary reprieve of having succeeded at something. Lacking a deep and consistent source of self-esteem, failures hit especially hard for perfectionists, and may lead to long bouts of depression and withdrawal in some individuals.
Further, perfectionist individuals are often hypersensitive to perceived rejection or possible evidence of failure, and there is a fundamental rigidity in the relentless stance of bracing for failure. Unfortunately, when an individual is caught up in the bondage of perfectionist striving, that person is likely to be less interested in developing a healthy, mutually satisfying marriage and more interested in chasing the elusive rabbit in his or her own head.

Along these lines, partners of perfectionist individuals often comment on their partner’s emotional unavailability. It is very hard for a perfectionist to share his or her internal experience with a partner. Perfectionists often feel that they must always be strong and incontrol of their emotions. A perfectionist may avoid talking about personal fears, inadequacies, insecurities, and disappointments with others, even with those with whom they are closest. Naturally, this greatly limits emotional intimacy in a marriage.

Perfectionist individuals can also be fiercely competitive, even with their partners. Feelings of inadequacy may set the stage for downward social comparison within their own homes (“at least I’m more successful than my wife is”). Celebrating the victories of a spouse may be especially hard if such success threatens a perfectionist partner’s sense of being “the more competent partner” in the relationship.

The exhaustion that comes from striving to be perfect can also lead a perfectionistic individual to give up in the face of obstacles. Related to this, I’ve worked with a number of patients who classify themselves as perfectionists. At the same time, pictures they’ve shown me of their home environments sometimes look like the homes of hoarders. At first, it may seem puzzling that a person who lives in squalor could identify him or herself as a “perfectionist.” However, if a driving factor in an individual’s psyche is the thought, “it I can’t do it perfectly, I don’t even want to do it at all,” then the living conditions of such perfectionists makes sense.

Perfectionism and Marriage, for Equals

A marriage of equals is hard to create when one (or both) partner(s) are perfectionists. A marriage of equals is a partnership between two people who see each other as true equals. Not only must they be true equals, but both must be open to influencing each other continuously in order to become perfect for, and irreplaceable to, each other.

As I have argued in my book (www.marriageforequals.com), the way to partner with a soul mate is not to arrive as the perfect match for each other, but to become this over time. The key is how you will shape each other in the marriage as your life together unfolds. Mutual growth towards this end requires each partner to express a full range of emotions, including feelings associated with a sense of personal vulnerability.

Giving and receiving feedback about the impact we have on each other calls for unconditional self-esteem that does not over-depend on others’ evaluations of us. The self-esteem we derive from living a life consistent with our deepest values gives us the emotional freedom to learn and grow without fearing the shame of rejection. Striving for perfection leaves us empty and unstable, foundering like ships without anchors in a turbulent ocean.

What if you are a Perfectionist?

Perfectionism can be treated in therapy. Some of the same treatments that work for individuals with obsessive compulsive personality features have equal potency in the treatment of perfectionism. Any treatment that works requires you to initially tolerate significant anxiety and ultimately befriend the awareness of personal imperfection.

When perfectionism has been conquered, healthy self-esteem can flower, and when it does, you are much more likely to attract someone with the potential and desire to work at becoming the perfect partner for you (as opposed to the perfect human being).

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-joint-adventures-well-educated-couples/201209/how-perfectionism-hurts-relationships

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Top 10 Tips for Blogging

By: S. Housley      
 

1.) Stay on topic.
Opinions are generally accepted but the content of the items in the blog should all relate to a general theme. Unless you have an uncanny knack for wit, humor or cynicism, the majority of your readers will be interested in the content that relates to a specific defined theme or loosely defined area of interest. Most readers won’t care that you eat Cheerios for breakfast. They may, however, be interested in the fact that vinegar takes out stains and that toilet paper rolls make great wreaths. Define a topic and stick to it. This will ensure that you create a loyal following of interested readers.

2.) Stay informative.
If you are attempting to create the impression that you are knowledgeable about a specific industry or sector, be sure that you stay current on news. If you are endorsing a product or voicing an opinion, be sure to check your facts; your reputation is at stake. If you are offering an opinion, be sure to qualify your post, making it clear that the content is intended as an editorial.

3.) Old news is not news.
While blogging every day can be a drain, it is important that the information presented is current and accurate, writing an article or blurb about something that happened 6 months ago, will not be of interest to many. Telling your audience that Martha Stewart was convicted and will be going to prison, after her sentence is completed will make people question the value of your columns.

4.) Adhere to a schedule.
Create a schedule and stick to it. Realizing that blogging requires time and effort, don’t create unrealistic expectations and be unable to deliver. An occasional lapse or holiday is generally understood but readers returning to find stale, out-dated content are going to find another blog with similar content. New blogs and RSS feeds are popping up on a daily basis. If you have worked hard to develop an audience and a community you don’t want to lose them due to lack of communication.

5.) Clarity and simplicity.
Keep your posts and blog entries clear and easy to understand. Remember, the web is global and expressions, idioms and acronyms don’t always translate. Sometimes a little explanation goes a long way.

6.) Keyword-rich.
If the goal of your blog is to increase your visibility, include related keywords in the title of the blog. Use the title as a headline to attract interest. Each item post should have a title that will attract attention but still be relevant to the post. The title should be no longer than 10-12 words.

7.) Quantity matters.
In order to attract the attention of search engines, you will need to develop content and substance. A headline or simple sentence is not going to generate the interest of readers or help with search engine ranking. Be sure to archive old blog posts to develop a large portal of similarly-themed content.

8.) Frequency.
If your blog content is updated frequently, search engines will tend to spider the pages at regular intervals.

9.) Spell checking and proof-reading.
It only takes a few extra moments and can save you from having to make embarrassing explanations. Remember that whatever you publish on the Internet can be found and archived. Think carefully about what you post before doing so.

10.) RSS.
RSS will increase your blog’s reach. It is important that you include your blog’s content in an RSS feed to increase readership and distribution.

Most weblog audiences are small, but with time and regular updates audiences grow. Bloggers may never have more than a few hundred readersArticle Submission, but the people who return to regularly are generally interested in what you have to say.

 

http://www.streetdirectory.com/travel_guide/113402/blogging/top_10_tips_for_blogging.html

Time & Eternity

ONE dignity delays for all,
One mitred afternoon.
None can avoid this purple,
None evade this crown.
Coach it insures, and footmen,
Chamber and state and throng;
Bells, also, in the village,
As we ride grand along.
What dignified attendants,
What service when we pause!
How loyally at parting
Their hundred hats they raise!
How pomp surpassing ermine,
When simple you and I
Present our meek escutcheon,
And claim the rank to die!

I’M OUT OF TOILET PAPER!!!

Bush Never Stops Thinking About New Ways to Harm America

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PTiMKsTo-o&feature=player_embedded

Watch a video clip of President Bush saying, “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”

Bath Time

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lv1WCwU9Dks&feature=related