Archives for posts with tag: marriage

5 Friends Who Sabotage Your Relationship

Ex-Boyfriend’s Mom
You and your ex called it quits, but that doesn’t mean your newfound shopping friend did. The only issue? It’s your ex’s mom! She emailed you saying how much she wanted to stay friends. You always liked her, so you said yes — and now you’re Facebook friends, email buddies and, about once a month or so, brunch dates.
The risk: C’mon, let’s be honest: Would you appreciate your spouse hanging out with his ex’s mom? If you’re hanging out this much with an ex’s anything or anyone, it might be a sign that you’re not over him, or that you’re not ready to leave that chapter of your life behind. Find a new brunch friend and end it. It’s not worth jeopardizing your relationship.
Ever since you got married, she rolls her eyes whenever you mention anything having to do with your guy. She just can’t get over that you got married and that you have a new person you tell all your secrets to. Meanwhile, she expects you to talk for hours about every detail of her relationship.
The risk: All those negative comments only sour your relationship with your man. Bottom line: Her malicious comments about him aren’t helping anymore. Whatever you do, don’t turn to her to vent when you have a tiff with your guy — she’ll definitely only make matters worse.
Baby-Crazed Friend
One of your best friends is now a mama, and while you had fun picking out onesies and nursery swag, now everything she talks about is baby-related. She’s so consumed with being a mom that you feel like you barely know each other anymore — plus, she just won’t quit asking when you and your guy are going to start “trying” (a discussion you two haven’t even had yet).
The risk: You’ll start to worry about timing with your spouse, and she might just talk you into having the discussion a little too early for his (and even your!) liking. If you don’t want a baby just yet, don’t let anyone pressure you into addressing that stage too early. So ask her to cool it and enforce a “no baby talk” get-together once a month.
Schoolgirl Crush
Before you met the now-love-of-your-life, you had a thing for that cutie you’ve known forever — and you’re still friends. You always wondered “what if?” but nothing ever seems to happen. When he calls, you can’t help but break into a smile.
The risk: Those grins haven’t gone unnoticed. This provides perfect ammo for any argument you have with your partner, because why is he still in your phone anyway? Do yourself a favor and delete him. You had your chance, and it never worked out for a reason.
The Party Dude
You were best friends in college and inseparable till graduation. But while you’ve moved on to bigger and better things, he’s still staying out all hours of the night and having one-night stands. It doesn’t help that his most recent one-nighter was with your boyfriend’s sister (whom he begged you to set him up with and then never called again).
The risk: Besides totally pissing off your boyfriend and his sister (who now thinks you’re a total jerk for setting her up with someone like him), his remarks on how you’re “so whipped” after awhile start to hit a nerve. Try to see him for special crazy nights once in a blue moon.… And please, stop setting him up with people you or your boyfriend know.


Do You ‘Steal’ Money From Your Spouse?
by DR

in Money Management

0 EmailShare 0EmailShareManaging money between a husband and wife can present some real challenges. Have you ever found yourself at the store or gas station ready to pay, only to realize that the last $20 in your purse or wallet is gone? It’s a sickening feel in the pit of your stomach when you realize you can’t pay for something. This happened to my mom all the time when I was a kid.

My parents went from one financial crisis to another and were always short on cash. I recall vividly my mom yelling at my step-dad because he had taken money out of her purse and left her with nothing. She usually figured out that she had no cash just after putting $5 worth of gas in the car (gas was a lot cheaper back then). A resolution to this problem always seemed simple to me, even if it eluded my parents. So here are some tips if you or your spouse are regularly raiding the other’s money supply:

1. Communicate: If you need cash, don’t just take it from your spouse without talking to them first. We all find ourselves without cash from time to time, but taking your spouse’s money without asking (or at least telling) them, is just plain rude. In a pinch, at least leave a note if for some reason you can’t speak to them right away.

2. Plan: Often times, a spouse is out of cash for lack of planning. Occasionally this happens to us all. But if it’s a regular occurrence, then you need to rethink how you’re managing your money. My wife always keeps a $20 reserve for emergencies. If she needs to use it, she makes sure to replenish it as soon as possible.

3. Use a Debit Card: We use a MasterCard debit card that is tied to our checking account. We also have overdraft protection just in case we run a negative balance just before payday. With the debit card, we are never out of money as long as we can get to an ATM or don’t have to pay cash for what we’re purchasing.

4. Carry a Credit Card: We also carry a credit card just in case. I know there are some who view credit cards as evil. I don’t, although we do pay off our credit card balance each month. But carrying a credit card can come in handy during an emergency, particularly when we are traveling.

5. Respect Each Other: Money is one of the biggest causes of strife in a marriage. Taking money from a spouse without communicating with them can understandably be a serious source of conflict. It may be a quick an easy solution to a money shortfall, but the harm it can do to your relationship in the long run is not worth it. In the end it comes down to mutual respect.

6. Keep a Change Jar: We have a change jar where we dump our change at the end of the day. Over time, the amount of money in the change jar can grow and come in handy when you’re in a bind. I sometimes need to pay $5 in cash to park my car at the subway, and I’ve tapped the change jar more than once when my wallet was empty.

Do you or your spouse take money from the other without asking? Cast your vote, and then leave a comment if you’ve had to confront this issue in your marriage.